Feeling like crap.....

I can't ever seem to get away from the feelings I have for him, and there's always a constant reminder. Last night I was at Susie's for a birthday party for Lucylle. They all love the Red Sox, so Mike had the game on. They were playing the Twins. Sunday we're having a Red Sox party....they bought all these Red Sox decorations and a big cardboard Johnny Damon. Of course, they're playing the Twins again. There isn't a day that goes by that there isn't something on TV, or somewhere that's about Minneapolis or Minnesota.....and tonight, I was flipping through the channels and there on PBS was a Bruce Springsteen concert....same thing in the gorcery store the other day. I'm walking past the magazines and there on the cover of one of them was a picture of Springsteen. It's constant.....I wish Tom would get constant reminders of me. I wish he'd miss me and realize what a mistake he made. Maybe he does. I have to get in shape so I can show him how wonderful I look. I shouldn't be focused on it for that reason but I can't help it. What he did, the way he reacted, hurt me so much. But I do understand. I just wish he'd loved me enough to have gotten past it, and been patient enough to wait for me to be where I need to be. I do need to be there....the weight, I mean. If for no other reason than my health. But I know how great I'll look, too. I know I'm attractive. I know I'm beautiful. I've turned lots of heads, and been told very often how beautiful I am. God, Tom even said it....I remember him saying "You have such a beautiful face, Trish." I want it all. That's not too much to ask. I'm going to have it!!